75 mpls thought

I have no peace about working at home or going into farming. I feel God has something different planned for me. Therefore I should not covet anything one who farms gets because it was meant for him and not me. It would not be God’s best for me to farm.

Goal - Winter 2000 - 25 years from now (Dad’s age):

I want to be giving my life to God, seeing spiritual children, many generations. To be known for following Christ, not job. To be used by God in art world.

96 th irkutsk w/G 

“The end of all things is at hand...” 1 Peter 4 v7

Things.  

It is things, stuff, that weigh us down and limit our mobility. Coming to Russia - the stuff involved: What to take, what not to take, who will take care of what I do not take, how do I keep track of and protect what I do take, who takes care of stuff here when I’m not, etc.

All stuff will end. It will end regardless of how well I liked it, took care of it, or traveled with it. It will end - maybe before my own physical life ends, maybe after.     

What do I give my life to? My days? My hours?  Stuff? God? People?

This is a super verse for where my head and heart are at. I’ve just spent a lot of time arranging for the care of my stuff in Mpls. I brought stuff to Russia.  I now need a place for my Russia stuff, both for when I’m here and for when I’m not. After getting here, I find out others have been using my stuff previously left here. I’m not thrilled. 

A heart for stuff? A heart for that which will end?

Lord, forgive me. Change my heart. May it be as yours. When I look on a city, may I not see stuff, but people. And may my heart long for the people. May it weep for the lost. 

I pray for Irkutsk. May my heart go out to it. May my life be given for it. Lead me to Your’s.    

“...Therefore, be of sound judgment and sober spirit for the purpose of prayer.”  1 Pt 4 v7

The purpose of life: The relationship with God and His desire that others also have this relationship.

Loasha asked me last night about relationships.  He wanted to know how people like Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob could have the relationship they had with God and still sin. I said it was because they were still sinners. The conversation soon turned to forgiveness and how a person could know that he was forgiven. I hope we can do a study together on forgiveness. I pray that it’s the door to Loasha’s forgiveness.

Lord, help me pray.  Help me find and take the time to pray. May I not live in a silent relationship with You. May I know and live the purpose of life.

the day    

Met with Sasha, hopefully my to-be-landlord, in his truck this afternoon to further discuss the renting of their flat. He has now talked with his lawyer and wants the contract written differently. Loasha says it is still the same basic agreement.

Met with Sasha and Olga (to-be-landlords) this evening. Found out they and their lawyer do not want the word “rerenting” in the contract. Our lawyer says it must be there for the arrangement we are doing. After a long discussion, they came up with a new plan.  The new plan is where I have a renting contract for the two months I need plus give them a loan for the additional 4 months rent money they need now to pay off someone else.  The loan would be secured by furnishings, gold/jewelry, or their dacha. 

Since I have no need of, and would not know what to do with a flat’s worth of used furnishings, would not know the true value of the gold/jewelry, decided the only option I would go with would be the dacha deal (no house, only a plot of land).

After we made arrangements to meet them tomorrow and they left, Loasha realized that he had not made any arrangements for the renting contract.  So, tomorrow I could have the rights to a dacha, my own piece of Siberia, but still not have a place to stay! I would have a place to pitch my tent though.  The one good thing about a dacha is that I don’t have to worry about storing it when I’m not here! 

Later Loasha found out from our lawyer that the dacha deal would be time consuming and need more documents than we were planning on producing.  I am now reconsidering an idea I had originally of having a contract where I rent for 2 months now and 4 months in the winter/spring.  They get the 6 months rent money they need and I supposedly have a place to stay also when I come back in the winter.  Since it is costing Sasha and Olga 100,000 rubles for every day they do not pay the money they owe, they are in a hurry to finalize the contract with me or rent to another person they have lined up. 

Lord, I pray for wisdom and Your leading on where to go with this.  

Later, Marina and Oxanna came over, to plan, along with Loasha, a weekend camping trip to Lake Baikal.  I was really tired.

97 fr mpls wG        

“And the angel swung his sicke to the earth, and gathered the clusters from the vine of the earth, and threw them into the great wine press of the wrath of God.  And the wine press was trodden outside the city, and blood came out from the wine press, up to the horses’ bridles, for a distance of two hundred miles.” Revelations 14 v19, 20

The wrath of God. 

We would rather talk of the love of God.

Is the wrath of God as strong as the love of God?  Is the wrath of God as deep as the love of God?  As powerful?  As abundant?  As all-consuming?  As wondrous?  As mysterious?  As generous?  As unending?  As unlimited?  As eternal?

Is there any doubt from these verses that the number of those facing the wrath of God is great?  Blood, six feet deep, for two hundred miles. 

At this point, with one’s blood flowing out of the winepress, mixed with all the other blood, how important is one’s image? Does it matter what one attained in life? How important are the awards?  The fame?  The praise? The recognition? What is the worth of a nice yard? Of a great landscape design with fantastic views? How much does the house matter?

What is it worth to me to be able to save even just one grape before the angel swings his sickle? To reach a life before it faces the wrath of God in the great winepress? 

Am I willing to give up insignificant and worthless earthbound dreams for one eternal grape? Can I give up this house? This piece of earth? This life?

lord, help me see.  Help me live …for the grapes.           

00 tu mpls the day

Only got a couple of hours of sleep last night as I finished getting the minimal amount of working drawings done that I needed for Bnjj.m. The design and the drawings look great. It has the potential to be a really great project if they decide to spend the money to build it (costs are at this time undetermined, but it is not a typical build out).

Showed the plans to Mrjj.m.  She was very excited about them - at least as much as was comprehensible to her – the plans are very complex. Is great to have a client who is so enthusiastic about good (at least to me) design.

The other aspect of working on this project, along with “The Sojourn” writing project, is how I have been able to work with minimal sleep.  It has been like BP (before Parkincense). It does not seem to have affected the Parkincense symptoms in anyway that they are not already affected.  It is encouraging.   

02 th mpls w/G   

…I dare not set my feet upon anything that is not of The Rock    

      I do not want miry clay.

                  I do not want sinking sand.

                  I want a rock.

                  I want The Rock.

                  (I have brought home rocks from around the world.

                  I have yet to bring home sand or clay, from anywhere.)

                  Lord, help me see.

                  Help me see more clearly.

                  Help me see truly.

                  Help me see purely.

                  Help me see as if face to face.

                  May I know.

                  May I live.

                  May I give my life for that which is life-worthy.

                  May I accept no substitutes

“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains by itself alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.” Jn 12 v24

To die.

To die to me. 

To not wait to die (physically) to die (spiritually).

                   To not wait to die. 

  To not wait to die to all that which, at death, has no worth. 

  To die to all that is worthless before its worthlessness is known.

“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me, and delivered Himself up for me.” Gl 2 v20

To die. To be crucified. To be dead as a doorknob - to all that God would have me be as a doorknob to.

Yet, to live. To live not by what I can see, smell, hear, feel, etc., but to live by faith. To live not by that which is known, but by that which is “unknown”.  To live not by the senses, but by The Sense.

Lord, help me. I am, without You, lost. I am, as an un-died wheat, alone.  I am nothing. 

One year after I die (or move out) and the house, the landscape, and the view is sold to a stranger, I will no longer matter. I will soon be forgotten by neighbors.  The house and landscape will be changed. As little as I know about the life of the woman who lived here before me, so will the knowledge of me be to those who live here after me. This house, this property, is not worth giving my life to.  It is not worth a life. 

What is worth a life is what is worth a life to God, what He gave His life for - people.  He gave some time to His creation - 6 days (out of an eternity of time), but He gave His whole life, in more ways than one, for people.  Even creation was for people.

Lord, may I live and give my life to that which has true, eternal, worth. May I accept no substitutes.         

I want to give my life to something that will last - eternally = people.

98 mo w/God

‘“If there is a poor man with you, one of your brothers, in any of your towns in your land which the LORD your God is giving you, you shall not harden your heart, nor close your hand from your poor brother; but you shall freely open your hand to him, and shall generously lend him sufficient for his need in whatever he lacks.

Beware, that there is no base thought in your heart, saying, ‘The seventh year, the year of remission, is near,’ and your eye is hostile toward your poor brother, and you give him nothing; then he may cry to the LORD against you, and it will be a sin in you. You shall generously give to him, and your heart shall not be grieved when you give to him, because for this thing the LORD your God will bless you in all your work and in all your undertakings.

For the poor will never cease to be in the land; therefore I command you, saying, ‘You shall freely open your hand to your brother, to your needy and poor in your land.’’’ Dt 15 v7-11

Work.

Giving.

Giving to the poor amongst one. Giving through an unhardened heart. Giving with a free and open hand. Giving generously. Giving sufficiently. Giving from the heart. And the Lord God’s blessings in all one’s work and in all one’s undertakings.

One of the mysteries, one of the ways God turns the world’s ways upside down. To receive by giving. To have one’s work blessed of God for giving from that work to those without. A beautiful thing. So wondrous it can only be of God.

What I have, the land I live in, the cities, the home(s), the work, the finances, are all from God. To give is simply to give of God’s.

The heart. God is saying, asking, for one to watch one’s heart. It can kill Godly giving.

Stuff. People before and above stuff.

Time. It too can be given. Life. A life.

To be of God. To be blessed of God.