For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.  Ph1 v21

God Has Time

“You are complicated.” 

Such were the words the doctor used to summarize where things are at.

It’s been 25 years since I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. I was told most people die within 15. I’m past my death by 10 years. I don’t know why. Parkinson’s has been called “The slow death”. At this rate, it will take close to forever to die. I’m barely dying.

This stalled death setting I’m in may be changing. The biopsy results came back confirming the suspicion – cancer (prostate). This means I have cancer on top of the Parkinson’s. Life (and death) gets more complicated.

To determine the extent of the cancer and whether it has spread to other organs - which determines treatment(s) - they put one into a revolving clanking hole head first, arms pinned to sides (MRI). For the images this machine produces to be useful, the images have to be in focus. This requires one thing of the subject (me): be still. Parkinson’s is a movement disorder. I move …involuntarily. It’s dyskinesia as instigated by the Parkinson’s. The images, as I predicted, came out blurry. How can it be determined if the cancer has spread when imaging is a blur? Can radiation hit a moving target?

Complicated.

Doctor, on determining what to do: “This may take some time.” 

God has time.